Self-Esteem: A Crucial Step to Being Emotionally Free
Day after day we see men and women who are willing to do anything if their spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend will come back to them after a break-up, separation or divorce. The bottom line? Their once significant other no longer wants them. Imagine, there are adults out there who are willing to change everything about themselves, just so they can somehow convince someone that no longer likes, loves or cares for them to get back together with them. Is there anything that shouts “spineless loser” any louder than this to those who are watching this madness unfold? I think not.
I have to admit; twenty years ago I was a “spineless loser”! That’s right. The love of my life disappeared one day after a seven year relationship, and I thought my world had ended. Sadly, had there not have been friends and family around to watch me, it might have. Once the dust had cleared, I knew I never wanted to allow myself to become so needy and clingy again, but I had no idea how to be sure I could pull it off.
One day in April of 1990, I discovered a quote by an old sage by the name of Vernon Howard. It said “Nothing you can fear losing can be the true source of your happiness.”
Something about that resonated with something deep down inside of me, but at the same time, my conscious mind was screaming “NO! That can’t be!!” Day after day, I ran one scenario after another through my mind, comparing it to Howard’s quote. No matter what I thought of, be it my parents, my dog, my baseball card collection, my friends- it didn’t matter- I always came to the same conclusion: Vernon Howard was right.
I realized that if my happiness was in my parents, or my friends, for example, then I would only be able to be happy as long as they were alive. If my parents and best friends were suddenly wiped out in a bus wreck, and they were my happiness, then I would no longer be able to experience joy and happiness again. Not only did I not like the sound of that, but all I had to do was look around me to see irrefutable evidence to the contrary.
Every neighborhood, every town, every state, and every country in the world, is teeming with examples of people who have lost everything and everyone they loved or cherished, who have then gone on to live fruitful, meaningful and joyful lives.
Here is something you might not have considered before. Your marriage will either end in death or divorce. That’s it, there is no other way. The statistics on divorce aren’t so good. More marriages end this way than those that don’t.
Not married? Like it or not, there is a very strong possibility that the person you love, who now loves you, may one day move on to greener pastures. When they do, it is critical that you realize that they are not now, and never were the source of your happiness. They were just someone who you enjoyed sharing your experience of happiness with. The joy, and feelings that you identify as “happiness” come from within- you generate them.
Once you truly understand this, you’ll be in a position to remain stable and on solid inner footing when someone temporarily turns your external world upside down.
Let others spend their time crawling on their belly like a snake back to their ex, begging like a starving man for a piece of bread. Not you though. If they don’t want you, you’d be better off finding someone that does. In the meantime, take some time to get to know the “you” that you’ve never been properly introduced to- the strong you.
© Copyright 2009-Vincent Harris-All Rights Reserved.
Vincent Harris is the author of The Productivity Epiphany, and the CEO of Harris Research International.
Join Vince’s weekly newsletter at www.VinceHarris.info
You can get your copy of Vince’s book at www.TheProductivityEpiphany.com
