Motivation and Success Secrets: When Sharing Your Goals with Others Can Backfire
Almost every book on success or personal development that I’ve ever read promoted the idea of sharing your goals with others. For some of my clients, I suggest they do this. For others, having them share their goals would only guarantee failure. As I have always said, nothing is “good” or “bad”; it is useful or not, depending on the context and variables involved. In this case, the primary variable that determines whether sharing a goal is useful, or not, is the individual.
One way to do a quick self-assessment to determine whether sharing your goals would be a good idea is to think about the answers to the following questions:
· Do you tend to be a polarity responder? (feel compelled to do the opposite of what someone wants or suggests-and are more inclined to be this way as your stress level rises)
· Do your friends and family members consider you to be “hard headed”?
· When you feel “pushed” do you automatically and unconsciously “push back”?
· Do you recognize a tendency to not do things that would be in your best interest, just because someone suggested that you should?
If you found yourself nodding “yes” to most of those questions, then sharing your goals is probably not a good idea. Why? The moment what I call a “polarity responder” tells someone “Hey, I just wanted you to know, I’m going to go back to school and get my college degree” for example, they have unconsciously set “dark” inner forces in motion that will cause them to resist every step of the way.
Even though it is a goal they have decided on- something they want- the moment they tell other people, they have created the very feeling of obligation they so despise. Because they now feel that the people they have shared their goal with are expecting something of them (whether it is true or not-and it’s usually not) they feel compelled to resist the perceived expectations and obligations. What’s the only way they can resist? Sabotage their plan of action for success, or the accomplishment of their goal.
My life changed overnight when I recognized this pattern in myself some years ago. Is this pattern still present in my life? You better believe it. The fastest way to kick me into high gear (or anyone that is a polarity responder) is to tell me I can’t do something. Fortunately, someone once told me I would never write a book. My book has been selling well since December, and they’re probably still spending their time telling other people what they’ll never be able to do. The key for a “hard headed” polarity responder is making sure they are employing “useful” methods for motivation; methods that will allow them to “resist” all the way to the bank- and that’s the kind of “resisting” I like.
If you are a polarity responder, or recognize aspects of this kind of self sabotage in your own behavior, please know you are not “doomed”. In fact, once you have harnessed your inner resources, you’ll likely move forward at a rate that is considerably faster than your non-polarity responder friends.
The key with goals, in this situation, is to “own” them until you have achieved them. Meaning, once you know what your goal is, write it down, acknowledge it, and then…keep your mouth shut!
Resist the urge to share them with your friends, family, and co-workers. I can’t tell you how rewarding it is, to only reveal your goal, after you have already achieved it. Naturally, this jerks the rug out from underneath those who always took such pleasure in shooting your goals down before they ever took flight. Once you’ve experienced the joy that comes from seeing the shock on the face of the naysayers, as they look at the undeniable evidence of your accomplishment, you’ll be hooked on this method for life.
© Copyright 2009-Vincent Harris-All Rights Reserved.
Vincent Harris is the author of The Productivity Epiphany and the CEO of Harris Research International.
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